Shattered Pieces
by kitkat681
Summary: He'd had no idea.  Teenage boys were moody, right?  Her entire family's blood was on his hands and yet she stood on his doorstep.  Mature themes.  E/B.  Heartfail/angst/pain.  Read with caution...
1. Chapter 1

**Oh shit...back again. This time I will be posting on Mondays...Wednesdays...Fridays...and that is it! I mean it! And yes I know today is Saturday but I'm anxious to get this out...**

**Now...this is rated M for a HUGE reason this time. There is not going to be rainbows and happiness in this one. I believe it will end up being a HEA but it is not complete yet and you never know.**

**This will deal with VERY emotional and mature themes. If you have any issues with violence in schools or Columbine...this may not be the story for you. Heartfail and pain is ahead. Although no 'main' characters will die. Suicide and murder is a major part of this story.**

**Read with caution...**

He stood next to the cold metal table.

The white sheet covered something he didn't want to see…

And just couldn't accept.

His son.

His fifteen year old son…

Had walked into the office of his high school with a loaded gun…

And killed seven people.

Before turning the gun on himself.

He had been a mistake…

A fumbling accident in the back of a car.

Lost virginities.

Lost innocence.

Charlotte had wanted nothing to do with him when he was born.

She had a scholarship to Penn…

And his family had money.

She hadn't even wanted to see him after he was born.

She left and didn't look back.

But that was fine.

He loved his son and vowed to be a good father.

But now…

He turned around when the door opened behind him.

The police officer that had come to his office stood there…

Glaring at him.

He'd had no idea.

He thought everything was fine.

Sure Sam had been moody…

But he thought that just came with being a teenage boy.

He never thought he would be here…

Ready to identify the body of his son.

Who they were calling a murderer.

**So yeah...read with caution and I will see you on Monday.**


	2. Chapter 2

**So I am surprised so many of you are along for the ride. If you bow out...I completely understand. This is a very sensitive subject, for a lot of reasons. I will not be getting graphic, this is mostly the journey of a father trying to come to terms with what his son has done. There will be some twists and turns, but once we get some more information it will be easier for you to catch on (I like staying canon when I can).**

**So...with that warning...ready for more?**

The halls were silent except for the clicking of his shoes on the worn tile floor.

The smell was nauseating.

But what the police just told him in as they sat in that little room next to the morgue was worse.

His son had killed seven people.

Four adults…

Three children…

And then himself.

He looked down and expected to see blood on his hands.

He was to blame.

He must be.

No parent can just _let_ that happen.

He must have missed the signs.

He must have.

He stopped walking when he heard wailing echoing from down the hall.

A mother?

A sister?

Someone was grieving because of him...

And it was torture.

He leaned against the cold wall and slid down so he was sitting with his head in his hands.

The crying and pleading tapered off until it was just the same words over and over.

"_Please not my family. Please not my family._"

He cycled through the names and faces the police showed him earlier.

Nancy Cope, secretary, 45.

William Black, principal, 62.

Charles Swan, father, 42.

Renee Swan, mother, 40.

Embry Swan, student, 15.

Paul Williams, student, 15.

Sarah Kelly, student, 14.

There had been one name missing.

Samuel Cullen, student, 15….

Murderer.

**Wednesday...see you then.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Wow...you guys really like this! I'm psyched...I'm really loving stretching my legs with this a little bit.**

**Want to meet our girl?**

He sat until his ass went numb.

He waited for the pain in his chest to fade.

It didn't

"Excuse me?" A quiet voice rasped and he looked up, wiping the tears from his cheeks.

A woman, just a bit younger than he was stood in front of him.

Her cheeks were red and tear-stained and her arms were wrapped around herself as if she was trying to keep from breaking apart.

"Yeah?" He answered, surprised at the hoarseness of his voice.

"Did you lose someone too…in the school shooting?" She asked, and he could see the softness in her eyes.

She thought he was grieving.

And he was.

He was grieving for his child…

For the lost innocence of youth…

For whoever she lost.

"My son." He whispered.

She sat down next to him and pulled his hand off his knee and into her lap, holding it between her own small hands.

"I'm so sorry. I lost…everyone." She breathed as she looked at him.

He met her eyes and realized that the Swans must have had an older daughter.

And yes, she did indeed lose everyone.

Her parents and her brother all taken away…

By his son.

He wanted to push her away…

To warn her…

To tell her who he was…

But right now she was the only comfort he had in a world full of pain.

So he held tightly to her hand.

Desperate.

**See you Friday...**


	4. Chapter 4

**Um...so because I am working on chapter 26 right now...and I have no impulse control at all (I know Born...I know), I have decided to go to once daily posting of this for a while.  
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**If I get stuck on the new chapters I _might_ go back to three times a week but I don't see that happening.  
><strong>

**Let us clear some things up...**

**Edward and Bella don't know each other...yet.**

**Edward is 32 and Bella is 25, but looks older.**

**Um...what else...**

**That should be it for right now...let us see how she reacts to finding out who he is...**

She whispered words of comfort as tears leaked out of his eyes.

He felt guilty that he was accepting her kindness when it was his fault her world was crumbling around her.

"Mr. Cullen?" A voice echoed down the hallway and she went ridged against him.

He closed his eyes.

He didn't want to see the disgust on her face.

So he let go of her before she could yank her hand away and pushed up to his feet.

He swayed slightly and put his hand on the wall behind him to steady himself.

He looked down at her.

Her eyes were wide and wet and she looked so very broken.

"I'm sorry." He whispered before he followed the police office out of the morgue and down to the station.

The interrogation took hours.

"_Do you own a gun?"_

"_Did you monitor your son's internet usage?"_

"_Who were his friends?"_

"_Did anything happen that could have led to this?"_

"_A break-up?"_

"_Bullying?"_

"_Have you ever laid a hand on him?"_

"STOP!"

He couldn't sit in the same little room on the same hard chair for another minute.

He wanted them to just take him away already.

Lock him up.

It was his fault…

It had to be.

**So...see you tomorrow with more...**

**Still liking it? Loving it? Hating it?  
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	5. Chapter 5

**I wanted to make sure that you all know I am not trying to glamorize or trivialize the lives lost in school shootings. Nor am I trying to change anyone's minds about the people/kids behind the guns. I am only following this little plot bunny as it hops its way through my brain.**

He didn't remember the drive home at all.

But somehow he found himself sitting in the driveway.

His feet dragged as he walked up the steps to their house.

His house now.

He tripped over Sam's shoes that were left in front of the door and opened his mouth to yell…

Only to fall to the ground.

Never again…

Never again would he ask his son to pick up his shoes or call him for dinner or ask how his day was.

And so…

He just sat there.

He sat on the hard wood floor until he was able to make some sense of what happened.

And seven hours later when the doorbell rang, he was no closer than he had been to figuring things out.

"Mr. Cullen?" A blonde woman asked, holding a pad of paper and a pen, her blue eyes wide.

He nodded.

"Can you tell us why your son killed three of his classmates in cold blood?"

He looked at her…

No, he thought, I can't.

And if you find out can you please tell me?

**Poor broken Edward...**

**Sigh...see you tomorrow.**


	6. Chapter 6

The slam of the door echoed in the house and he stood staring at the solid wood.

What was going on?

He left the house that morning with a smile.

Sam had aced a math quiz the day before and it was only a week till Halloween.

They had gotten a pumpkin even though Sam said that was just for kids and together they carved Yoda's face into it.

It took forever but Sam was a huge Star Wars fan, so they did it.

And now…

He slowly turned and started up the stairs.

Their house wasn't huge but it was more than enough for two men to cohabitate without any uncomfortable morning shower jerk off interruptions.

The police had come by to take away Sam's computer right after they discovered what had happened.

They worried he might have had an accomplice.

Or that they would target another school.

He stood outside the mess that was left of his son's room.

Books and papers were scattered everywhere.

His chest got tight as he bent over and picked up a paper airplane they had made together when Sam was just a little kid.

It was hard only being 17 years older than your son.

But he thought he had been doing a good job.

If only his parents were still alive.

But it was probably better that they died in that plane crash so many years ago.

It would have killed them to see where they were now.

A son dead.

A father shouldering the blame.

**The next chapter is rough...if you have any issues with suicide idealization you might want to skip it.**

**See you tomorrow.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Deep breath for poor Edward...**

The phone started to ring off the hook with reporters and threats.

He finally just turned it off.

He sat on Sam's bed and looked at what the police didn't want.

His baseball team picture.

His medals for track and field.

His posters of Jessica Alba and Ashley Greene.

The little things that made Sam, Sam.

And now…

He stood up, the paper airplane still in his hand and walked down the hall to his bedroom.

He striped his clothes off and threw them in the hamper, not even caring that his socks missed their mark.

The airplane was placed gently on top of the dresser and then he went into the shower.

And stared at his straight razor.

He was an old-fashioned kinda guy.

Well as old-fashioned as you can be at 32.

And he liked using a straight razor to shave in the mornings.

Now that little piece of sharpened steel was mocking him.

_Take the easy way out…_

_There's no one left here for you anyway…_

_You'll be doing them all a favor._

He finally closed his eyes and reached for the shampoo.

Death was easy…

Moving forward was harder.

And he had never been one to take the easy road.

**I'm going AWOL for a while...I'll still be updating but otherwise I'm hiding behind the Christmas tree.**

**See you tomorrow...**


	8. Chapter 8

**Wow...can I say I am still surprised by the feedback from you guys? You rock me...hardcore. Yes this is hard to write and putting myself in both Edward and Bella's shoes is painful, but I really needed to get this out...**

After a ridiculously long shower, he got out and threw on some sweats and an old t-shirt.

He cleaned up Sam's room as best he could.

And then he just sat down at the kitchen table and stared at the wall.

When the pounding started at the front door he knew who it was, but hoped maybe they would go away.

He wasn't surprised when the back door swung open.

He should have never shown him where he hid the key.

"I have to hear about this on the news?" Jasper yelled as he stomped into the kitchen.

Edward looked up at his only friend and saw the pain.

He saw the grief.

But most of all he saw the pity.

"How did I not know?" He rasped, his voice rusty from disuse.

Jasper shook his head and ran his hand through his hair.

"I have no idea. I thought he was a happy kid." Jasper said quietly and the words eased Edward slightly.

At least it wasn't obvious.

At least he didn't miss anything that had been staring him in the face.

"What the fuck do I do now?" Edward sighed as he looked up at Jasper.

And his friend simply shook his head.

"I have no idea."

**:(**

**Poor Edward.**

**Tomorrow? Maybe later today as well. It just keeps getting longer and I would really like to have this complete before Spring ;)**


	9. Chapter 9

**I told you there might be another...and yep here it is. Working on freaking chapter 40 right now so I think I have enough to share...**

Jasper left a few hours later after they drank more than half of a bottle of scotch.

Now not only did his heart hurt…

His head did too.

He fell into bed and pulled the covers up over his head.

And tried to sleep.

Only instead of the blackness of his closed eyes…

All he could see was the blood that no doubt covered the school.

And he would jerk his eyes open.

Time and time again it would happen until he finally gave up and went downstairs.

He flicked on the TV and was bombarded with the news.

It made national headlines.

Sam's picture was plastered all over every channel, as well as his seven victims.

The parents of the dead students were interviewed and Edward had to run to the bathroom when the scotch made a reappearance as he watched them cry and sob and ask 'why' over and over again.

As he retched he wished he could give them an answer…

He wished he had one.

**:( So lost.**

**Tomorrow for another double dose of angst. I think I would much prefer having a double dose of 'Lather, Rinse, Repeat' by Bornonhalloween...much more fun.**


	10. Chapter 10

**I had a fan girl overload yesterday and this morning when both Bornonhalloween and Savage mentioned me in their AN...um...squeal!**

He never made it back to bed.

Instead he forced himself to watch every interview…

Every story…

Every second of what his son had caused.

The worst was when Isabella Swan was shown leaving the hospital.

She was so small and all alone.

And it was entirely his fault.

He remembered the way she had pulled away from him when she found out who he was.

But she had comforted him when no one else had.

And that would stay with him.

He was shocked when he saw his own house flash on the screen.

The windows were dark.

They put Sam's school picture up and he searched his son's eyes for a clue.

He was desperate for answers.

When the doorbell rang he was hesitant as he walked to the side window and looked out.

When he saw the slight figure of Isabella Swan standing with her head down outside his door he felt bile bubble up into his throat.

He didn't want to answer it.

But he couldn't ignore her.

Not after what had already been taken from her.

When he opened the door she raised her swollen and red-rimmed eyes to his face.

He stepped back and motioned her in.

She came without hesitation.

**Huge congrats to my girl Edward's Eternal who went over 2k reviews for 'Awaken' yesterday. I was reviewer 1999...cool huh? I was also review number one if I'm not mistaken.**

**Another one coming...**


	11. Chapter 11

**Pssttt...I'll be posting 2 more chapters today...cause it is the holidays...and I am in a giving mood.**

**Beegurl13...like you don't have enough to do...but a Worship outtake would make a great Christmas present...just saying *wink wink***

**Born...you just feed into my disease...  
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He walked into the living room and clicked off the TV.

They both just stood there.

He cleared his throat and her eyes flashed up to his face.

"Can I get you anything?" He asked and she shook her head before she reached into her bag.

He closed his eyes and prayed she was getting out a gun.

Her father had been the Chief of Police.

It would be easy enough for her to get her hands on a gun.

"Mr. Cullen?" She whispered and he slowly opened his eyes to find her holding a worn composition notebook in her hands.

"I think you should see this." She said as she stepped towards him.

His hands shook as he took it from her and his breath caught when he opened it and he recognized his son's handwriting.

"I think we need to talk."

**Oh my...**


	12. Chapter 12

**Answers? Who wants answers? A few...**

He sat down on the couch and held the book in his hands.

He didn't even notice when she sat next to him.

His eyes drifted over the words on the page and he was confused.

He thought she was bringing him Sam's manifesto or something.

But this was…

"Poetry." She whispered as she leaned over and traced her fingers over the black indents on the paper.

She was so close to him his body seemed to thaw with her warmth.

"Sam wrote poetry. He gave this to my brother to see if I could get him published. He was very good." She said and he looked over at her, surprised at their proximity.

"I don't understand." He breathed, feeling the ground shift beneath his feet.

Everything he thought he knew was changing.

"I'm a literary agent and when my brother…" She faltered for a second and he could see the pain in her eyes.

But she cleared her throat and continued anyway.

"My brother convinced Sam to come to me. And I only had to read a few pages before I realized he needed to be published."

He looked down at the book in awe.

"My son?" He whispered.

He could see her hand coming towards him in his peripheral vision before he felt the warmth of her hand on his arm.

"Your son was a very gifted poet."

What happened?

"I have no idea, but I want to help you figure that out." She said and he looked up at her dark eyes, realizing he had spoken aloud.

"Why would you want to help me? He took everything from you." He said, his anger coming through.

She looked down at the words on the paper.

"The boy I knew would not have done something like that without a damn good reason."

**One more later...**


	13. Chapter 13

**Sigh...sadness ahead. **

**I love the reviews that just say this... :(**

The book felt heavy in his hands as he paged through the handwritten words.

His son was so talented.

How had he not known this?

"Oh, that one is my favorite." Isabella sighed as she reached over to still his hand.

He looked at the way her fingers looked against his own.

And then he looked at the words on the page.

_There is something here among us_

_It's suffocating presence overwhelming_

_No matter how many hours we spend together_

_The cloying flavor enriches the air around us_

_How can he stand it?_

_Does he not feel it?_

_It is all around him_

_And I fear I am not enough to soothe him_

Edward jumped when the tear dropped off his chin and onto the page in his lap.

He quickly wiped it away.

"It was about you wasn't it?" She asked quietly, her hand tightening around his.

He nodded as he sniffled.

"Why is no one here with you while you deal with this?" She whispered and he turned his face away from her.

He didn't want her to see what was clearly on his face.

The loneliness.

The ache.

The absolute terror.

"My friend Jasper came by..." He rasped and she started to release his hand.

He grabbed at her like she was a lifeline.

And right then she was.

**:( Poor Edward...all alone.**

**See ya tomorrow for a few more. **

**Impulse control...not in my vocabulary...**


	14. Chapter 14

**So...more answers and a TON of questions...**

**Not sure how many you get today...I am sick as a dog and have to find time to head to the clinic today...**

"Where is anyone for you?" He asked as he continued to flip through the book with his unoccupied hand.

Because there was no way he was letting go of hers.

"My parents were both only children and my grandparents are all gone. There are friends and coworkers. There are lots of people. But no one seems to know the right thing to say." She said, looking down at the well-worn pages with him.

He stopped when he saw that the words were darker, written with a heavier hand.

This one was angry.

_Her hands are hot but her words are cold._

_I want my hands against her..._

_Feeling..._

_Worshiping..._

_Thanking God for the opportunity..._

_But she refuses..._

_She hates me.  
><em>

"I don't understand." Edward whimpered as he tried to make sense of the words on the page.

Isabella gasped and yanked her hand from under his.

He turned and looked at her shocked face.

Her hands were covering her mouth.

"You didn't know?" She breathed and he shook his head dumbly.

"Know what?"

**SHIT! KNOW WHAT?**


	15. Chapter 15

**So...went to the clinic and I have...drum roll please...the fucking flu. And I couldn't take the Tamiflu because I am nursing Charlie-girl. Totes fun over here...**

"Sam had a girlfriend…and she was pregnant." She said and the color drained from his face.

"He was only 15." He gasped and she laughed quietly.

"How old were you when you had him?" She asked and he had the good grace to blush as he cleared his throat.

"I was 17 but it was a different thing all together." He mumbled, embarrassed.

"He and Emily started to date about a year ago. And from what my brother told me...she got pregnant the first time they...er...so yeah. He was scared, but he loved her...loved the baby. He knew where he belonged." She sighed and he felt a longing deep in his chest.

What would it feel like to know where you belonged?

"Anyway, Emily was freaked out about the whole thing and wasn't letting him participate in the pregnancy at all. She refused to tell her parents about the baby and was just going to hide it until she had no choice but to tell them and then give the baby up."

Edward looked over at her and wondered how this stranger knew so much about his son.

What else had he missed?

**:( Poor Sam.**

**This part about the pregnancy...true fact. My sister-in-law got knocked up her first time (at 16) and hid it from her parents...she went to the hospital with back pain and came out with a baby. Poor kid has issues galore since she never got any prenatal care. **

**Giving you what you want makes me feel better...so I am thinking 3 more chapters through the day.  
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	16. Chapter 16

**So...when I went to the clinic and the doctor did a throat culture to rule out strep, he wasn't able to hide his pride when I didn't gag. Even patted me on the shoulder. **

**My dirty mind might be making more of that than it actually was...**

**But yeah...**

**:)**

"I'm going to be a grandfather? But...but...I'm only 32." He stammered and she giggled quietly.

He turned and watched her cover her mouth to stifle the sound and he wanted to pull that little hand away…

He wanted her laughter to echo off the empty walls of his house.

"You are too cute." She sighed when her laughter subsided.

She wiped at the tears that had leaked from the corner of her eye and then stopped…

How could she be laughing when everyone she loved was gone?

"Don't." He whispered and she glanced at him.

"You should be able to laugh. They would want you to laugh." He breathed, suddenly feeling like he was overstepping his bounds, especially since he was the reason she was alone.

"But what about you?" She rasped and he immediately shook his head.

"I could have stopped this. If I was just here a little more, asked about him…none of this would have happened." He yelled, throwing Sam's poems onto the table as he started to pace around the room.

He felt caged.

Trapped.

But the invisible bars on his prison were of his own making.

And he had no idea how to break free.

**:(**


	17. Chapter 17

He had his head down as he walked around the room and so he didn't see her standing in front of him until he barreled into her.

He put his hands around her as they collided and he was suddenly pressed against warm, soft curves.

He let go of her as soon as she was steady.

She looked up at him as he ran his hands through his hair frantically.

"What do you do?" She asked and he froze and looked down at her, surprised at how small she was now that they were standing.

"You mean, for a living?" He asked and she nodded. "I'm an architect."

She looked around the room, no doubt wondering if he had designed their house, which was correct.

It had been his first project.

His blood, sweat and tears were in their home.

And now it seemed that all that work had been for nothing.

Because now he had no one to share it with.

**I still have 4 more hats to crochet before tomorrow...*sigh*...why did I wait so long?**

**I'm thinking maybe 2 more chapters today.**


	18. Chapter 18

**I'm sure there are many people out there who feel like Edward does in this chapter...**

**I love all of you sharing your own personal stories...makes me smile. Well not the stories sometimes but the fact that you want to share them with me...**

How many hours had he spent at the office instead of here with Sam?

Too many to count.

And look what had happened because of it.

He always thought he would have more time.

Just get one more project done and then they could go on a vacation…

Or catch a ballgame…

Or just…

Be.

But now time was up.

"Should I call her?" He asked suddenly, feeling like he should know this.

She looked up at him, confused.

"Emily…should I call her? I'm sure she already knows about what happened but maybe I should, I don't know." He whispered, feeling so far out of control that he wasn't sure he would even know which way was up ever again.

"No. She knows. I already talked to her." She said, smoothing down the front of her shirt as she looked anywhere but at him.

"You know her?" She chuckled nervously and nodded.

"Embry brought Sam and Emily over to my house when she found out she was pregnant to try and get her to reconsider her decision. For kids so young, they were surprisingly mature. Sam trusted me since I had already pretty much read his deepest, darkest secrets. But it didn't help anyway…her mind was made up."

Edward looked down at the book on the table.

"I have more." She whispered and his eyes searched her out.

"Sam wrote constantly, especially the last few weeks. I knew something was going on but I had just been given a new author at work and I hadn't had a chance to look over his new poems. Maybe if I had…maybe if I saw his pain I could have stopped this." She sobbed softly as she reached into her bag that was sitting on the floor and brought out three more notebooks.

She dropped them on the table with a thump and then they both just looked at them…

Like they were a bomb just waiting to go off.

**Two more tonight...and just so you know I'm _so _going to be a bitch.**


	19. Chapter 19

"You haven't read them yet?" He asked as he sat back down on the couch.

She sat next to him and shook her head.

"I've been sort of busy." She sighed and he looked over at her.

She had funerals to plan.

And lost lives to grieve.

"I'm so sorry Isabella…" He mumbled, appalled at his carelessness but she put her hand on his knee and squeezed.

"I'm where I want to be, where I need to be. Open them." She whispered and he grabbed her hand as he opened the book.

The words were dark slashes against the pages.

There were doodles in the margins where in the other book the edges had been pristine.

Edward felt his stomach churn when he read the first page, dated almost six weeks earlier.

_Hot fingertips danced across my spine_

_Teeth and lips clashed_

_Nothing had ever been that good_

_Does he not know what he's missing?_

_I would move heaven and earth to be with her again._

Edward cleared his throat awkwardly.

He knew exactly what his son had been talking about.

Sex.

And the 'he' could only have been him.

He had been celibate since the night Sam had been conceived.

The night he lost his virginity.

And his son knew it.

He had been scared…

Petrified really.

Too frightened to try and get back into the swing of things.

And no one ever really appealed to him.

So when it had come time to sit down with Sam to talk of the birds and the bees he thought he had given him a very educational and mature overview of the whole thing.

And a bunch of condoms.

Apparently he hadn't been making good use of the condoms.

**Poor Edward...wanking it since 17...must have some terrible chafing by now.**

**So you all don't think I can be a bitch?**

**You'll see.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Okay...off to find a cave to sleep in while I finish these hats.  
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**Deep breath...**

Edward continued to flip through the pages as the words got darker and more graphic.

His grip on Isabella's hand must have been painful but she never complained.

She just sat next to him, looking over his shoulder.

He gasped aloud when he came to a page that he could actually _see_ the pain that was put into the words.

_He knows._

_And he desires me weak and at his feet._

_He wanted me._

_And one stupid argument he overheard gave him the leverage.  
><em>

_Submit to him…_

_Or he shatters her future…_

_My future…_

_Our everything._

_So I'm blindfolded and bound..._

_Fetid breath hot on my face._

_Agony and pain mix together with shame._

_He will never know.  
><em>

Edward pushed the book off his lap and scrambled to make it to the bathroom under the stairs before he vomited.

Dear lord…

What had happened to his son?

**Um...told you I was going to be a bitch.**

**Thoughts?**

**That is as graphic as it gets...just so you know.**

**See you tomorrow.  
><strong>


	21. Chapter 21

**Phew...that was rough. I know...I know. But it had to be something big to push poor Sam over the edge.**

**More info coming but like I said...that was as graphic as it will get.**

"Edward!" Isabella shouted after him but he was blind to everything except getting to that toilet.

He could feel her follow in behind him but he couldn't be bothered to care as he bent over the water and retched.

Her hands ran up and down his spine as he gagged and she handed him a rag when it looked like he had gotten all of it out.

He collapsed to the floor and looked up at her with tears in his eyes.

It didn't get past him that she was crying as well.

"Did you see?" He rasped, the bile burning his throat.

She nodded.

"What is going on?" He asked the air around them, because he was lost.

He pushed to his feet and rinsed his mouth out with water from the sink.

She followed him silently as he went back into the living room and sat back down.

She slid into the spot next to him and together they just stared at the book.

"You do it." He whispered and he watched as she reached for the book with shaking hands.

"Read it out loud."

"_I know he would help me if I only asked._

_He has always been there_

_A silent support._

_A kind hand._

_A loving figure._

_But it would break him if he knew about this._

_I already did the unthinkable and followed right in his misguided footsteps._

_I can't disappoint him any further.  
><em>

_So I'll do what I need to do._

_And suffer in silence._

_Even if it kills me._

_Because I can't let him win._

_And I can't let this break my father."_

Isabella's sweet voice faded into nothing as she pressed her lips together to keep from sobbing.

The boy she had known and come to love…

What had happened to him?

**:( **

**Busy day...got to take two more of my squirts to the doctor and Santa is coming to the school today.**

**Will try and get a few more chapters out to you later.**


	22. Chapter 22

"Why were your parents there?" Edward croaked suddenly, searching for something to help make sense of Sam's cryptic poems.

"My dad discovered one of his guns missing and they thought that Embry might have taken it." She whispered and he realized that Embry probably did take it…

And he gave it to Sam.

"Did your brother know what was going on with Sam… with this?" He asked, pointing to the painful words on the page.

"I don't know. The last time I talked to him he said that something weird was going on with Sam. That he tried one last time to convince Emily to keep the baby but she refused. If I had only seen…" She whispered but he interrupted her.

"Don't. Don't you put _any_ blame on yourself. There was no way you could have known." She turned and searched his face for a moment before she spoke.

"The same can be said for you." She breathed, but he knew…he knew she was wrong.

Sam was his son.

He should have seen that something was wrong.

But he didn't and now they were all paying for it.

**Next chapter...a big surprise and a few answers.**

**And of course more questions since that's how I roll.**


	23. Chapter 23

**Whoa...answers...**

"What exactly did the police tell you about what happened?" Isabella asked as she slowly closed the book and put it back on the coffee table.

He kept his eyes on the black and white cover and tried not to think of the pictures of the people his son had killed.

"They told me that Sam had interrupted a meeting in the principal's office and had gunned down the principal first and then your father. Your mother and Embry were next. He then went out and shot the secretary and the two other students in the outer office before he turned the gun on himself." He said, his voice monotone and full of pain.

She opened her mouth to say something but a ringing from the depths of her purse interrupted her.

She gave him an apologetic look as she dug around until she found the phone.

"Hello?"

He tried to give her some privacy by keeping his eyes on his hands as they rested in his lap, but her gasp brought his gaze up to her face.

And the tears falling down her cheeks scared him.

"Are you sure?" She rasped and nodded along with whatever the person on the other end was saying.

"Okay...okay. Just let me know."

She ended the call and leaned her head back, resting it on the cushions as she took a deep breath.

When she raised her head, her eyes were full of pain and what he thought was hope as she met his stare.

"That was one of my dad's friends from the force. He was calling to tell me that they found two more guns at the scene."

"What?"

**Yes...WHAT? **

**Come on now...you didn't think I was THAT evil did you?**

**And yes I know that they wouldn't be keeping her up to date like that...but this is my fic world damn it! :)**

**So many of you are either figuring it all out or pieces of what happened.**

**I love that!  
><strong>


	24. Chapter 24

**Lots of theories and lots of questions.**

**Heading to the doctor with 2 of the 4 squirts.**

**Santa coped a feel on my Mom's ass when he was here.**

**Awesome.**

"Listen…I'm still not sure what happened in there, but right now they that think that both the Principal and my father also got shots off." She said and he just stared at her.

Maybe…

Maybe Sam hadn't killed them all.

"No…I don't think he did." She whispered and he looked over at her, surprised he had spoken aloud.

"Will you come with me to the station? Colin said they have some more information now. And I really think that they need to see Sam's poems…especially the ones from the last few weeks. There _had _to be a reason he cracked like this." She said as she stood and put the book back in her bag.

"Please not the other ones though…I want to keep those." He begged and she smiled sadly at him as she handed him the other composition books.

"Of course. They are a piece of him…a piece you never got to know. I was honored that he shared them with me. I hope that maybe one day we can still get them published."

Maybe someday…but not any time soon.

Who would want to hear from a killer?

**:(**

**So...I know some of you want all the answers now...but you are going to have to wait while everyone pieces the information together. **

**I promise by the end of tomorrow you will know what happened...maybe not all of the 'why' of it...but at least exactly what happened.**

**Still working on this...up to chapter 43 right now.  
><strong>


	25. Chapter 25

**So...one kid has a bilateral ear infection and my littlest has the start of an ear infection.**

**Deck the halls with bacteria I guess.**

**Got a Christmas show with 18 songs performed by 12 3-10 year olds. **

**SO looking forward to that (did you sense the sarcasm?)  
><strong>

**So this is the last chapter of the day.**

Edward hesitated as she stood beside her car.

Did she want him to go with her?

He wasn't sure he trusted himself to drive without accidentally driving into an overpass.

"Come on." She said as she unlocked her Jeep and he got into the passenger seat.

"We're going to figure this out." She whispered as she put her hand over his as it rested on his thigh.

He looked up at her tear-stained face and wondered how she could possibly have it in her to reassure him.

With one last squeeze she released his hand and started the car.

The trip to the station flew by and before he knew it they were standing outside the door and he just couldn't convince his feet to move.

Somehow Isabella managed to guide him inside and sat him down on a chair in the waiting area as she went to the desk.

"Bella!" A deep male voice called from somewhere behind the counter and she managed a small smile back at the dark skinned, dark haired giant that pushed through the swinging door.

Edward watched with envy as he pulled her into his arms.

"Hi Jake. I'm so sorry about your dad." He heard her whisper as she pulled away and wiped at the moisture on her cheek.

Edward watched as the big man shook his head and glanced around the waiting area.

His eyes widened when he saw Edward sitting there.

And as recognition washed over his face, Edward straightened his back in preparation for the shit storm that was about to happen.

"You."

**Uh oh...**

**I'm staying canon with the relationships so...Jake's dad was?**

**I love that get a message from my beta Melanie that says 'I need the rest of Shattered NOW!'**

**Okay...okay...on the way!**

****See you tomorrow.****


	26. Chapter 26

**Good morning...**

**Ready to see Jacob go postal?**

"Your piece of shit, fucked up son killed my father!" Jake shouted as he pushed Isabella out of the way and stalked towards Edward.

Edward stood slowly and readied himself for whatever Jake was going to throw at him…

Because he deserved it all and then some.

"Jake stop!" Isabella cried as she sprinted towards them and stood in front of Edward.

"Black! What the fuck are you doing? I told you to go home. You are relieved of duty until we figure this out!" A uniformed officer reprimanded as he walked out from behind the desk.

Jake was still standing in front of Edward, Isabella between them.

His eyes were flashing.

His hands were fisted.

He was looking for blood.

Edward opened his mouth to apologize but Jake stopped him.

"I don't want to hear your bullshit. I want my father back." He snarled, as he glared down at Isabella and walked away.

"I'm sorry Ms. Swan, Mr. Cullen, Officer Black has been put on leave until we get everything settled." The officer said as he scrubbed his hands over his face.

He looked exhausted.

"Thank you for coming down…I was just getting ready to call you. Our team is done going over the crime scene and our original theory has changed."

Edward felt a hand snake into his and looked down to see Isabella gripping tightly to his.

Hands clasped they followed him into one of the interrogation rooms and sat down.

The file folder on the table sat like a loaded weapon.

And as he opened it and started to fan pictures across the tabletop...it exploded.

Boom…

***sigh* I wanted to be a bitch again and leave it there...but I won't.**


	27. Chapter 27

Three guns…

Spread across the table were pictures of three different guns.

And then he laid a color coded diagram of the Principal's office next to them.

And Edward couldn't stifle his sob.

The shots fired from Sam's gun were in red.

The ones fired from Chief Swan's gun were in blue.

And the ones fired from William Black's gun were in yellow.

"Holy shit." Isabella whispered as she leaned across the table and pulled the picture closer.

"Sam only shot the Principal and himself." She breathed as she turned to Edward…

Who was as white as a ghost.

"Put your head between your knees." She said quickly as she pushed him away from the table and shoved his head down.

His panting breaths were loud under the steel table and he concentrated on the in and out.

Sam hadn't killed them all.

But he was still dead.

**So both :) and :(**

**Next chapter we see exactly what went down.**


	28. Chapter 28

"Mr. Cullen…do you have any idea why he might have wanted the Principal dead?" The officer asked and Edward slowly lifted his head and looked at the man.

"I might have an idea." He rasped and Isabella pulled Sam's book from her bag and slid it across to him.

As he flipped through the pages his expression went from carefully detached to appalled to downright disgusted.

He cleared his throat before he spoke again.

"This seems to corroborate some evidence we found on his computer." He said and Edward and Isabella both looked at him expectantly.

"The Principal had a thing for little boys." He snarled and Edward rushed over to the corner where a trash can was waiting and just sat with his face perched above the lip of the thing.

Enough with the vomit already, he thought.

He had hoped.

Even after reading Sam's heartbreaking words he had hoped that wasn't what had happened to his son.

But apparently it was.

And again it was one more thing he hadn't been able to prevent.

**BOH thinks I should change my name to include my love of vomit...**

**kitkatvomit681...**

**I don't think it has the same ring to it.**

**How cool is it that three of my favorite drabblers are reading this?**

**Bornonhalloween...Beegurl13 and BellaEdwardlover1991...**

**Awesome.**


	29. Chapter 29

**I hate Moon Dough...**

**Just sayin'.**

**Excuse my rambling ass.**

**I have to apologize to BellaEdwardlover1991 since I totally spelled her name wrong. I fixed it but I'm sorry...in my mind Edward always comes first ;)**

"I'd like to keep this." The officer said quietly and Edward nodded as Isabella rubbed soothing circles on his back as he leaned over the metal trash can.

"Do you know what happened first?" She asked as Edward sat down hard on the floor and she crouched next to him.

"From what was can piece together, Sam interrupted the meeting between the Swan's and the Principal and there was an argument. The Secretary poked her head in and that was when the shooting started. Mr. Black fired first…hitting Mrs. Cope and the two students in the outer office. Chief Swan shot him in the arm and the thigh, but he was still able to get five more shots off…killing your parents and brother. And then it appears that Sam fired on Mr. Black, who was on the floor, and then turned the gun on himself."

Edward put his head in his hands and just started to cry.

"It's okay Edward, let it out. I've got you." Isabella soothed as the officer gathered up the photographs and Sam's book and left.

"I've got you." She whispered into his hair.

**I was going to leave it there but I'll give you a few more...**

**I may have to slow down soon though since I only have 12 more in the bank**


	30. Chapter 30

**Jacob only knows the bare bones of what happened, cause really...who wants to tell the oversized bastard his father was molesting little boys?  
><strong>

**Sigh...I love this chapter.**

It seemed to Edward that time stopped.

He sat on that hard floor and just…

"He didn't kill your family." He mumbled suddenly and he felt Isabella press her face into his back.

"No, he didn't. But even if he had I would still be here with you." She breathed, her words hot against his spine.

"Why?" He moaned, unable to take her pity when it was she who had lost more.

"You truly don't know do you?" She whispered and he sat up and turned to look at her.

Her cheeks were flushed pink and her eyes were wet.

"I think I've been half in love with you from the first time I read Sam's poetry. He was able to capture your kind heart and your gentle soul with such clarity. He wanted more for you…more for both of you. He talked about you all the time, how much he respected you, how he hoped to grow up and be as responsible and driven as you were. He hated that his birth had been so hard on you, but he was so proud that you were able to rise above and achieve your dreams. And he hoped that if Emily reconsidered giving their baby up, that he would be as wonderful a father as you had been to him." She said as he reached for her hands.

"But if he trusted me so much…why didn't he come to me with this? Now I'm here…all alone…and if he had just…if he had only…" He stuttered and finally fell silent.

"Maybe he was ashamed. Maybe he thought you would look at him differently." She whispered and he pushed away from her and started pacing around the little room.

"That would have never happened. I would have…I would have done anything to protect him. I would have _killed_ to keep him safe." He yelled and had to stop suddenly when Isabella appeared in his path.

"Then he truly was your son, because I think that was the reason he did what he did."

**So good...you will get two more today...**

**I just finished the last chapter...46...so there will be...um..16 more chapters? I suck so bad at math. Yeah...16.**

**I may give you 7 tomorrow and then 7 more on Christmas day...just because I love you.**

**I threw down the gauntlet to Beegurl13 for a 'Worship' outtake and guess what...**

**IT IS AMAZING! **

**You are SO going to want to kiss me when you read it.**

**And I am okay with that ;)  
><strong>


	31. Chapter 31

Edward shook his head at her words and only then did he realize what she had said moments earlier.

"Wait…you love me?" He wondered, amazed that this little spitfire who was intelligent and caring, trustworthy and kind, might actually have feelings for him.

"I believe my words were 'half in love with you.'" She smiled shyly as he reached his hand up and cupped her face.

"You are such a good man Edward Cullen. I know you are." She whispered as she leaned forward, pressing her forehead to his chest and wrapping her arms around his back.

It felt good to have her in his arms, supporting her, sharing his strength with her.

Was this what love felt like?

Knowing that the other person would be there with you through thick and thin.

Knowing you could scream and rant at them and they would still be there with you.

As she sighed a little and nuzzled her face deeper into his shirt he thought that maybe that was love…

And maybe things might not be as dark as they seemed.

**One more coming for the day...**


	32. Chapter 32

The ride back to Edward's house was quiet.

He held Isabella's hand the entire way.

When they found his driveway swarmed with reporters the decision to just keep driving was mutual.

When they pulled up to her house ten minutes later he followed her inside without a second thought.

He sat at the kitchen counter while she threw some pasta and chicken together for dinner and they ate in silence.

He walked behind her as she went up the stairs to her bedroom and he sat on the bed as she changed in the bathroom.

When she knelt at his feet and pulled off his shoes he felt his eyes sting with tears at her kindness.

When she tugged off his jeans and yanked his sweatshirt over his head he felt his chest get tight.

And when she lay down and pulled him into her arms he felt his heart fill with love for her.

As he let himself slowly sink into sleep, he could have sworn he saw Sam standing in the corner…

Smiling at them.

**I could have ended the whole story there...**

**But I didn't.**

**See you tomorrow for ...hmmm...still deciding if I finish this bad boy on Christmas day or make you sweat it out till New Years...  
><strong>

**Thanks for the love!**


	33. Chapter 33

**Okay guys...you get three or so today but only a few tomorrow.**

**How did I ever think I would be able to find time to update while in the middle of 4 kids opening gifts is beyond me.**

**I should get this all finished up by Tuesday I think.**

The sound of a phone ringing broke through the haze of sleep.

When he felt Isabella move away from him and her voice, still rough and raspy answer it he knew that something was happening.

Something was wrong.

"Oh my God." She whispered and he sat up and looked at her.

Her eyes were huge with tears already spilling over the bottom layer of her lashes.

"Are you sure?" She gasped, putting her hand up over her mouth.

She looked over at him and nodded her head.

"Okay." She breathed before she ended the call.

And then she just stared at him.

When he reached for her his hands were shaking.

She came into his arms with her head on his chest.

"That was one of my father's friends. He wanted us to know before they released the information to the press. William Black had tapes in his house. Of Sam and other boys."

Edward closed his eyes and tried to breathe.

He knew this was coming.

After reading his son's words he knew this was coming.

But to have it actually hear the words…

"Oh my God." He whimpered.

"They also found emails on Sam's computer from him to my brother, trying to get his hands on a gun."

Edward ran his hands down her back as she spoke, trying to calm both her and himself.

**Oh dear...things start moving forward in the next chapter.**


	34. Chapter 34

**Ready for progress?**

For two weeks, Edward and Isabella were inseparable.

They spent their days together in her house or his...

They didn't answer the phone.

They didn't answer the door.

They just sat around, reading Sam's journals and getting to know each other.

With each little giggle or stifled chuckle they were making new memories to help push the painful moments away.

Edward was there as Bella had to clean out her parents house.

He helped her pack away the pictures and detritus of her family's life.

And when she broke down that night he held her until she passed out from the grief.

She was there when the phone rang and Edward had to deal with Sam's mother, who had heard about the shooting on the news.

Bella held his hand as he silently absorbed all of Charlotte's ire and disgust.

When he closed his eyes and nodded as she threw the blame at his feet Bella had enough.

Edward didn't fight her when she took the phone out of his hands.

"You listen to me you righteous bitch, _you_ left them, _you_ made Edward a single father who worked his ass off to make a life for his son and yes, things fell through the cracks but at least he was here...at least Sam knew he was loved. All he knew about you was you were too damn selfish to even try. So you turn some of that blame around on yourself and don't _ever_ call here again." She snarled as she ended the call and threw the phone across the room.

Edward looked up at her, his mouth open as he tried to process what had just happened.

"You're amazing." He breathed and she heaved a huge sigh and threw herself into his arms.

"She was wrong. You weren't to blame."

*()*()*

The police kept them up to date with everything that was happening with the case, but since William Black was already dead, there was not much they could do to get justice for Sam and the other boys that had come forward.

But the information they were recovering sure did shed some light on Sam's motives.

Emails back and forth between Sam and Embry gave them most of the clues they needed…

And Sam's poems filled in the blanks.

William Black had somehow discovered Emily was pregnant and used it as blackmail to get to Sam.

And then when Sam said he was going to tell…

Black had gone after Embry.

And that was Sam's breaking point.

**Sam was such a good little guy. Protecting his friend.**

**Um...so you MIGHT want to wait to read the next one tomorrow when I post chapter 36. Or else you might be REALLY mad at me.**

**One more sooner rather than later cause I have a bunch of stuff to do before our big dinner at the 'rents tonight.**


	35. Chapter 35

**I would wait...but I know you won't.**

Bella and Edward looked at each other when the phone rang.

It was two months after everything had come out.

Everyone was buried…

Gravestones were in place…

Hearts still hurt…

But things were getting better.

They were both back at work and things were strained for everyone but they pushed the drama out of their lives during the weekends.

They used that time to reconnect and just enjoy some quiet time on the couch at Edward's house on one dreary Saturday afternoon.

Isabella knew in her heart that she had gone from half in love to head over heels, totally over the moon in love with Edward when he stood by her at her family's graveside and held her as she wept.

And he was falling as well.

But for now they were just…

"Jesus!" Edward spat as he moved off the couch and reached for the phone.

"Hello?" He barked and Isabella watched his irritation melt.

And as he looked over at her it was with an expression of complete terror.

**Told ya to wait. **

**If you correctly guess what happens next I will send you chapter 36 in a review reply.  
><strong>

**Tomorrow for everyone else.**

**I think three chapters tomorrow.**

**Merry Christmas Eve!**


	36. Chapter 36

**So as of 10pm last night when I finally had all the toys put together...everyone that had guessed correctly had their sneak peek of this chapter.**

**Most of you were right...I did love the ones that thought it had something to do with Jacob. :)**

**I'm hoping to get two more out later after the toys have been opened.**

"What floor? Where the hell do we go?" He yelled as they stepped on the elevator and he looked frantically for the directory.

Isabella calmly found the right floor and pressed the button and then grabbed onto his shaking hands and held them tight.

"It will be fine." She whispered as she looked up at his pained eyes.

The call had been from Emily's father.

She had gone into the hospital for back pain…

And ended up giving birth to a baby.

Emily had finally told them what had happened and who the baby's father was as they wheeled the little premature infant away.

And that was when her father went out into the hall and called Edward.

"I can't believe they don't want the baby." Isabella sighed as they waited for the doors to open.

Edward looked over at her and saw her nose was all red from trying to control the tears that no doubt wanted to spill.

She would be such an amazing mother.

And as soon as the idea popped into his head, he saw her in his mind…

Holding a little red headed baby in her arms as she used her toes to set a rocking chair in motion.

And he found he wanted that with her…

Desperately.

**MERRY CHRISTMAS!**


	37. Chapter 37

**OH MAH GAWD. Remember when I called out Beegurl13 about a Christmas 'Worship' outtake? Well she did it...and HOLY SHIT did she do it. It is up now and I would totally open another tab and read that first...cause...phew.**

**My twins were born at 34 weeks...so I have some experience with standing outside an incubator. :( But they are two now and aside from my one little Indigo Child who talks to ghosts...all is good .**

They stood next to each other…

Hands pressed against the glass…

Eyes on the wriggly bundle in the incubator.

Wires trailed from arms and chest and legs to a seemingly endless number of machines.

Beeps sounded and alarms blared but their eyes never left him.

Sam's son.

When a throat cleared next to them Edward somehow managed to look away and found himself face to face with an exhausted looking man.

"You Cullen?" He rasped and Edward held tightly to Isabella's hand as he nodded.

"Kid's yours if you want him. Emily will sign over her rights." He said before he left, without even a glance at his grandchild who was fighting for his life behind the glass.

Edward and Isabella stared after him.

And then together they turned and looked back at the baby.

Their baby.


	38. Chapter 38

Isabella used her toe of her shoe on the sterile tile floor to get the rocker moving.

The slight weight in her arms wiggled against her chest.

They called it Kangaroo Care.

Flesh to flesh…

Skin to skin…

The little boy snuggled into her breasts with his ear against her heartbeat.

She looked up at Edward as she smoothed her hand over his fine golden hair.

He smiled…

But it was pained…

Haunted…

And she was sure he was in a completely different hospital room in his mind…

And he was seeing a completely different baby.

"He needs a name." She whispered and shushed the baby when he mewled.

"I know." Edward sighed as he crossed the room and stood next to her.

His trembling finger ran over the baby's soft cheek.

He was filling out nicely.

Emily had not gotten the prenatal care she needed and he had been born at 34 weeks.

He might have long term breathing issues and there was always a chance of developmental delays but they expected to send him home in a few days.

But where was home?

Edward wasn't even sure he knew anymore.

All he knew was that he only truly felt at home when he was with the woman who was so carefully holding his grandson.

So where did that leave them?

**:(**

**One more for the day...**


	39. Chapter 39

**Phew...did you see? We went over 1K reviews. Makes me so happy that you guys stuck with me. **

**Big squishy Christmas hugs to ya!**

"He passed his car seat test and will be ready to go after the 9am care session tomorrow." The NICU nurse said as she fussed with the baby's hat.

He still didn't have a name.

But at least he had a home.

Isabella sat him down after they got home from the hospital and together they decided that raising this baby was something they wanted to do together…

Something they needed to do together.

So Isabella started moving her things to Edward's house.

And when it came time to unload her suitcases she hesitated.

There was the guest room…

Or there was his room.

He made the decision easy on her when he came up behind her and pushed her through his open doorway.

Apparently they were sharing a bed.

But yet they weren't.

*()*()*

That night she took forever getting ready in the bathroom while he lay on his back on the bed.

She brushed her teeth twice and made sure every square inch of her body was smooth and soft.

Her hair was brushed not once but three times and then she just stared at herself in the mirror.

She loved him.

She knew she did.

But he was still so very broken.

He was a shell of a man and it wasn't just Sam's death and that pain that had done it.

It was what Sam's mother did to him so long ago.

Leaving him with a child to raise alone at such a young age.

Without a partner.

Without a safe haven.

Alone.

And she didn't think she was enough to bring him out of it.

Even though she didn't think there was anything she would ever want more than she wanted him.

**I totally pictured KStew in BD when I wrote that scene.**

**I'll give you one more later...**


	40. Chapter 40

Isabella stood just inside the open bathroom door.

Edward kept his eyes glued to the ceiling.

She flicked off the light and walked slowly across the room and pulled back the sheet.

She saw his bare feet sticking out from the bottom of his sleep pants under the covers and felt a flush go through her at the normal sight that to her was so intimate.

She wanted to twine her feet with his.

Steal some of his warmth.

She wanted…

Desperately.

But she knew he would need to take that first step.

So she got under the covers and turned on her side facing away from him.

And with a shuddering breath she closed her eyes.

"How long have we known each other?" He asked suddenly, his voice breaking the stifling silence.

She turned over and looked at his profile, his eyes still staring upwards.

"I think it's been about three months now." She whispered into the darkness.

He grunted as he rolled over and met her eyes.

"And in those three months we have buried parents and a brother and a son. I have become a grandfather and together we made a decision to raise him. And in all that time…during all those moments of pain and joy and agony…you have been right there next to me." He breathed and she nodded.

She would stand by him through anything.

That was what you did when you loved someone.

"I love you." He sighed as he reached for her and just barely grazed his finger over her soft cheek.

The tears spilled unchecked down her face as she grabbed his hand and pressed it to her chest…

To her heart.

"I love you." She sobbed and went willingly into his arms.

He held her tight as he looked back up at the dark ceiling…

And prayed that somehow they might be able to rise above it all...

Together.

**See you tomorrow for a bunch more. **

**We should wrap things up then.**

**:)**

**Happy holidays to all!  
><strong>


	41. Chapter 41

**Good morning...**

**So...this is the morning after the ILY and no...no sex was had.**

"Are you sure you have everything?"

"Wait…do you want me to carry that?"

"Is that blanket warm enough?"

Edward was a bundle of nervous energy as he watched Isabella strap the little baby into his car seat.

The car was packed full of the samples of bottles and formula and diapers they gave him when they signed the discharge papers.

But they were leaving without a birth certificate…

Because the poor little guy _still_ didn't have a name.

It was as if Edward was worried that naming him would make it all too real...

That he was taking home his son's son.

And the baby would never know his father.

"We're fine Edward. Now are you ready?" She smiled as she waved good-bye to the nurses who had cared for him for the last two weeks.

He was tiny but strong.

And he was ready to go home.

Edward stood outside the open car door as she locked the car seat into the base and slid into the seat next to him.

The little one looked around vaguely, able to make out only the things that were a foot in front of his face.

Edward rushed around and started the car, driving 10 miles under the speed limit the entire ride home.

When they pulled in the driveway, Isabella was elated.

And Edward was petrified.

He had yet to hold the baby.

His hands shook every time he even got close to him.

But Isabella was more than happy to take care of the little one.

She set the car seat down next to the couch, took him out and carried him around the house, showing him everything.

Edward laughed as she showed him the kitchen and tried to describe all of the wonderful food she would make him when he was old enough.

She looked over at him with a grin.

"What?"

"Do you really think he understands all that?" He smirked and her face fell as she looked down at the baby.

"My voice calms him." She whispered and he felt like an ass.

"Isabella…" He sighed but she interrupted him as she rushed from the room.

"I have to change him."

After she left the room he looked down at his hands as they lay on the counter and wondered if the blood was still there.

Yes, his son had been trying to protect his friend and other helpless boys who were trapped and taken advantage of by a man with limitless power…

But he had still killed.

And his hands were the ones that had raised him.

He didn't know if he trusted himself to raise this child.

Because he wouldn't be able to survive losing another one.

**:(**

**You'll get the rest today...**


	42. Chapter 42

They had used the guest room for the baby.

She knew there was no way that he would be able to set foot in Sam's room.

The walls were still the soft yellow they were originally painted but she had put up a cheerful border and with the crib and changing table, it really looked nice.

She set him down in the crib and watched his little chest move up and down as he slowly fell asleep.

She felt him behind her but she didn't have the energy to turn and talk to him.

She knew he was broken.

She was worried now that he might be ruined.

You could fix something that was broken…

But if it was ruined…

"I'm sorry." He whispered as he put his hand on her shoulder.

She could feel it shaking.

"I know." She sighed and she did know.

She knew he was sorry…

But she was not the only one he was hurting now.

"You need to hold him." She breathed and she felt him freeze behind her.

"He needs to feel you, to know you care." She said as she turned around and looked up at him.

"I love you…you know I do. But if you can't find it in yourself to love this little boy, then…" She trailed off because she didn't want to give him an ultimatum.

"I'm scared." He whispered.

"I know you are…but I'm here with you and I'll stand by you."

**Ah...I do so love me a strong Bella...**

**A few more.**


	43. Chapter 43

Edward turned from the crib and walked into their bedroom.

Bella followed in behind him.

She knew she couldn't rush him…

But she was tired of seeing the pain when he looked at the baby.

They were so casual with one another now, neither one thought of going into the bathroom to change.

But tonight, as Edward watched her lift her shirt up over her head and allowed her hair to float down her back, he felt his body tense.

She was beautiful.

Breathtaking really.

And he was an idiot that it had taken him so long to realize that.

She probably thought he saw her as a friend.

She knew how long it had been for him.

She had only had one lover in college but that had been years ago.

She'd shyly shared her history one night over a bottle of wine.

He told her he loved her but other than the occasional hug, their interactions were completely innocent.

But as his eyes lit on her smooth, pale skin wrapped up in a plain pink cotton bra, his hand itched to touch and his mouth watered.

She pushed her jeans off and bent over to peel away her socks and he felt his cock get hard.

He looked down his body at the way his erection made a tent in his boxer briefs and wondered if she even wanted him.

He was woefully out of practice.

He heard her gasp and looked up to see her eyes locked on his hips.

Her jeans fell limply from her fingers as she straightened and met his eyes.

"How long will he sleep?" He rasped, his hands clenching into fists at his sides.

"At least three more hours." She whispered, swallowing hard as she watched his pupils dilate.

"Good…because I think it will take me that long to have my way with you." He growled as he approached her, suddenly feeling his confidence surge as she nodded and reached for him.

**Yes...**

**Fade to black?**

**I think not...**


	44. Chapter 44

**Just ordered myself a Christmas gift...**

**What is it?**

**Lets just say it will arrive in a discrete brown paper wrapped box and hopefully it will not be buzzing when I open it.**

**;)**

His fingers struggled with the clasp of her bra and he almost lost it.

What was he doing?

He had no idea how to pleasure a woman.

Isabella reached behind her back and helped guide his hands so that the delicate fabric came apart.

As it fell to the floor his lips trailed over her throat.

Her gentle guidance was all he needed to get his head back in the game and soon his hands were wandering all on their own.

Her nipples puckered against his palm and he watched as they sat up for him, begging to be sucked.

Of course he couldn't deny them.

She threw her head back as the first pink tip disappeared into his hot, wet mouth.

His name floated from her lips towards the ceiling as she opened herself to him.

In that room…

In that bed…

There was no pain or death or misplaced blame.

There was only a love between two people that had been built on a solid footing.

Nothing could shake it.

Nothing could break it.

Their lives had been shattered into pieces and together they put them back together.

And they were stronger together than they ever were apart.

They stripped each other bare and found secret places that elicited gasps and moans.

He hovered over her, his heart in his throat as she opened for him.

And with a confidence that came from perfect love, he slid into her and made her his.

And although it only lasted a few minutes…

It was perfect.

***sigh***

**One of the best things I have ever written right there if I do say so myself...**

**2 more chapters...  
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	45. Chapter 45

**Um...tissues.**

Edward managed to improve his stamina the second time they made love.

And by the third, Isabella was begging him to stop.

He held her limp and very satisfied body in his arms.

She pressed kisses to his chest and sighed as she snuggled down against him.

But they both stiffened when the little cry came out of the baby monitor on the dresser.

Isabella jumped up to get him but Edward grabbed hold of her arm and shook his head.

"I need to go." He whispered and for a moment she worried he wouldn't know what to do…

Until she remembered he had raised a child already.

So she smiled at him and sat back down, pulling the covered over her bare skin.

He looked like he was heading to face a firing squad as he pulled on his pajama bottoms and quickly popped into the bathroom to wash his hands.

He cracked open the door and watched as the little one wiggled and wailed in the crib.

And then he took a deep breath and walked across the room to him.

His hands trembled as he reached down and picked him up.

The baby settled as soon as he was pressed against Edward's chest.

He looked down at his grandson and felt his body start that side to side rock that only a parent knows.

His eyes stung as he watched his little mouth pout and relax.

"Hi baby." He whispered and the little one stirred and looked up at him with tired eyes.

They would be green.

Just like his and like Sam's.

"Your daddy loved you so much and I am going to try my hardest to love you for the both of us."

Edward felt a grin spread across his face as he heard a stifled cry come from the other room.

"Sounds like Mommy is listening." He whispered as he bent down and pressed his lips to the baby's temple.

He smelled the same.

Dear God…he smelled just the same as Sam had.

And that was when he let himself breakdown.

Rocking his grandson, who he would raise as his own child, mourning his son, he allowed himself to just let it go.

And when he felt her wrap her arms around his back he leaned into her...

And let her be his strength.

**One more...**

***sob***


	46. Chapter 46

**You all had some ideas about the baby's name...but I had to go with annaharding. She NAILED it...  
><strong>

**Six months later**

Alec babbled in the stroller as they pushed it through the crowds.

He was bundled up tight against the cold Christmas Eve air.

Flurries floated down and covered Bella's hair in a veil of white and Edward smiled as he fingered the little velvet box he had in his pocket.

She would be his soon enough.

There was still a hole in his chest and life for his Sam, but he was grateful that he was living on in Alec.

Alec Samuel...

His first name meant 'defender of mankind', which was what his father had so bravely been.

And his middle name...

Well without Sam he would have never met Isabella or have had a chance to be a father once more.

The walked past the tree all done up in lights and the store fronts decorated with garland and flowers.

They were almost back to the car when they heard it.

"You!" Edward turned his head as he moved in front of Isabella and Alec.

Jacob Black stood with his feet spread wide and his finger pointing at them.

"Ignore him." Isabella whispered as she grabbed his arm and tried to pull him away.

"Stop right there. You don't get to just walk away from me." He snarled and Edward shrugged out of Isabella's hold and slowly walked over to where Jacob stood making a scene in the middle of the sidewalk.

"I really don't think you want to do this here." Edward growled under his breath.

He had heard that they asked Jacob to step down from the force after he tried to destroy the evidence they had on his father.

He didn't want it to be true.

Or maybe he knew first hand just how true it was.

"Your son wanted it. He begged for it." Jacob spat and Edward didn't hesitate.

He may have failed his son once, but there was no way he was going to let Sam's honor be sullied now.

He cocked his arm back and watched as his fist made contact with Jacob's jaw.

His head rocked back and he went down like a sack of potatoes.

Isabella squealed as she ran to his side and he looked down at her as she cradled his hand to her chest.

Alec looked up at him and giggled.

And he realized that this was it…

This was what he had been waiting for all these months.

A sign.

So Edward pulled his hand from her grasp and fell to his knees, unable to wait another minute.

"Will you marry me?" He asked as he pulled the box from his pocket and cracked it open.

Her hands went to her mouth as her eyes went wide and she nodded frantically.

He pulled her into his arms and held her as she cried happy tears.

And with visions of a happy life together dancing through his head he looked over at his grandson.

His son's son…

And tried to remember that every day with him was a gift.

And he would never waste it.

**So...that is the end. I would imagine that they went on to have children of their own...a pair of little girls. And Alec would be an amazing big brother. Isabella would work from home so she could raise the kids and Edward would work less so he could be with his family as much as he could. Sam and Isabella's family would always be there...in pictures around the house and of course in Alec.  
><strong>

**And they lived happily ever after.**

**Thanks for trusting enough to go on this ride with me. I promise I will try not to watch any more E True Stories and allow my brain to come up with this shit.**

**Starting January 1st...'Fatty' and 'Down and Derby' will start posting. They will each be once a week updates and you can see the banners on my facebook profile.**

**Thank you...**

**Truly.**

**KK :)**


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